by Lois Szymanski
In the beloved Thanksgiving special “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving,” an unlikely set of friends shares the holiday together. When Charlie Brown says, “Thanksgiving is a time to be grateful for the many blessings in our lives, even if we have to share a table with a beagle,” we all laugh.
We don’t realize, however, that this gathering was one of the first examples of “Friendsgiving.”
Today, Friendsgiving unfolds in homes across the nation. Some families invite friends to join their Thanksgiving dinner on the actual date, while others plan a separate dinner just for friends over Thanksgiving week. According to NPR, Merriam-Webster began tracking the term Friendsgiving in 2007, when it appeared in social media posts, and officially added it to its dictionary in 2020.
Friendsgiving Across Cultures
Taneytown resident Audra Jones says her family has hosted a Thanksgiving meal for friends for many decades. A few family members attend, but it’s mostly friends, usually those who don’t have a Thanksgiving dinner to go to.
“I guess this is how we were raised,” Jones, 58, says. “We had friends in Baltimore who were fairly new to the area and didn’t have family nearby, so they came to us that first year, and still continue. Be thankful for what you have and share with others.” On Thanksgiving Day, Jones cooks a turkey and a ham, and everyone brings a dish to share.
“We’ve had traditional Thanksgiving food, and we’ve had ethnic foods,” she says. “Some friends are new, but [others] have been our friends for seven years. We have friends from Nepal, as well as German, Latino and Iranian guests, and my husband is Korean. We just love people.”
Care packages go home with everyone who attends. Jones credits her mom, Nancy McCormick, with her feeling that no one should spend Thanksgiving alone. McCormick was the director of economic development for Taneytown for many years.
“She always talked to people on the street, and she would invite them to meals with us. My mom always wanted to take care of others, and that’s where I got it from,” Jones says. Jones believes Friendsgiving is for all ages and all stages of life, and people of any faith. “It is a time to be thankful,” she says.
Shared Company for the Holiday
Amy Kennell of Finksburg reminisces about the many Friendsgiving meals she and her husband held in the years before they had children. “Before our first son was born, we had a close group of friends and not many family members in the area,” she says. “So, from 2013 to 2018, we would hold Friendsgiving. It was separate from the family Thanksgiving but during the same season. I don’t think the term Friendsgiving had even been coined yet.”
Kennell says it started at the apartment they lived in, with a few close friends, and when they moved to their first house, they continued. Sometimes they had as many as 25 people attending, and they had to rent chairs for extra seating.
“One year my husband smoked some kind of meat and friends each brought a dish,” she says. “We weren’t making much money then, so we didn’t always have a full Thanksgiving dinner. Once we bought our first home, it turned into more of an organized dinner where we would have traditional dishes. We’d cook a meat [main course], and family and friends would bring a dish of their own. It was a family setting with our close friends.”
Now Kennell, 36, says Friendsgiving was mostly about spending time together — a reason for friends who loved each other to get together for one of her favorite holidays. “We really enjoyed each other’s company,” she says. “But, as couples began having children and growing families of their own, we kind of grew apart by necessity.”
Kennell looks back on those celebrations as a wonderful time in their life when they were making memories with friends they love. “There is a time in life when friendships can sometimes feel more meaningful than family for some. This is a good way to bring people together, especially during the holiday season. It was meaningful,” she says. “Talking about it makes me want to do it again.”
Taking a Stress-Free Approach to Tradition
Kristal Burnett of Hampstead has hosted Friendsgiving for over 20 years. “I was in my 30s, I guess, when we started this,” she says. “We started doing Friendsgiving on Thanksgiving Day at a close friend’s house. Now it’s a tradition. We either hold it here at our home or at a friend’s house. When not everyone can make Thanksgiving Day, we change the date.”
Whoever is hosting usually cooks a meat main course, and everyone brings a dish, Burnett shares. “One year we changed the whole menu and did a pasta Thanksgiving. Everyone brought more of an Italian dish to share,” she says. “Another year, we did steak, and everyone brought a side dish.” Burnett makes gourmet brownies in various flavors, like pretzel bite brownies or Reese’s peanut butter brownies, and she always brings a ham, even if there is turkey.
“And I have to make homemade mac and cheese,” she says. “They call it liquid gold.” The number of people at their Friendsgiving varies from year to year depending on whose house it is held at that year, she shares.
“Last year we had probably 10 or 15 at our friends’ house. The year before it was smaller, about eight, but we are back up to 15 on the list for this year!” Burnett’s son lives in Parkville, and he carries on the tradition, hosting a Friendsgiving at his home, too.
“It’s about being together, talking, catching up and just hanging out,” she says. “Some families are high tension and not everyone gets along, but with friends, you know you get along. Our group is laid-back and no stress. Our lives are so stressed out now. We don’t want to bring that in on a day that’s about relaxation.”
Burnett, 48, thinks the term Friendsgiving started with her generation. “I don’t see as many young people doing it now,” she says. “I try to explain to the younger kids what a Friendsgiving is and that you don’t have to hold the standards of society. Once you do it and realize how laid-back and how much fun it is, then you want to do it. Ultimately, we want to pass the torch to our kids so they can look forward to Friendsgiving, too.”
Families continue to follow the example set by Charlie Brown and friends. “Thanksgiving isn’t just about food; it’s about spending time with those you care about,” Lucy tells Charlie Brown.
Burnett agrees with this sentiment. “The world needs more peace, and if you feel having friends over family brings that peace, then go for it. Take a day just for yourself and your friends,” she says. Charlie Brown would likely agree, and even Linus says it best: “Friends and family make the best Thanksgiving memories; let’s cherish every moment together.”
