by Kym Byrnes
I am in my early 50s, which means I still feel young enough to plan a weekend trip spontaneously but also old enough to have started receiving mailers about retirement planning, colonoscopies and “aging in place.”
I have children who are technically adults. I have opinions on “kids these days.” I have reading glasses in every room of my house, and I have a growing awareness that someday, someone may have to make decisions on my behalf.
So, I decided to make a to-do list for getting my affairs in order. Not because I plan to go anywhere anytime soon, but because the people I love deserve better than chaos with a side of “maybe Mom wrote that down somewhere.”
Aaron Puckett, financial planner at Puckett Financial Group, says this kind of planning does not have to be overwhelming. “It’s really a handful of steps, and they get easier when you spread them out over time instead of waiting until you’re forced to deal with them all at once,” he says.
So here we go.
1. Make a will — yes, really
A will is one of those things everyone knows they should have, and many of us quietly do not. It spells out who handles your estate, who receives your assets and, if you have minor children, who would care for them.
Even if you do not think you have an estate, you probably have more than you realize: a house, a car, bank accounts, family jewelry, sentimental objects or a dog who believes he owns the couch.
Damian Halstad, attorney and partner at Hoffman, Comfort, Offutt, Scott & Halstad, LLP, explains that if you do not have a will, Maryland law decides who receives your money and who will handle your estate. Contrary to what some people believe, the state does not simply take everything, but it does make decisions for you.
If your will is more than about 10 years old, Halstad says it may be time to revisit it. While wills do not technically expire, older documents can sometimes make banks and other institutions nervous, he says. Life events like marriage, divorce and kids may also warrant updates.
2. Consider whether a trust makes sense
Depending on your circumstances, a trust may help manage assets, avoid probate or provide oversight for someone who needs ongoing support.
Halstad says common reasons for creating a trust include caring for a child with a disability, protecting assets for someone struggling with addiction or spending issues, or providing structure if a beneficiary has significant creditors or is in a difficult marriage. At the same time, he cautions that a revocable living trust does not save you money on taxes, protect you from creditors or help you qualify for Medicaid.
3. Name a power of attorney
A power of attorney allows someone you trust to handle financial or legal matters if you cannot. These matters might include paying bills, managing accounts or signing documents on your behalf. You want someone responsible, organized and calm under pressure. In my case, this probably rules out anyone who has ever texted me, “What’s the Netflix password again?”
Halstad recommends naming both a primary and a successor agent. If you become disabled and no one has legal authority to act for you, your family may have to seek guardianship, which Halstad describes as time-consuming, expensive and not guaranteed.
He also offers practical advice: Match the person to the job.
The child who is an accountant may be a good fit to serve as a financial power of attorney. The child who is a nurse may be better suited to help with medical decisions. Choose someone before a crisis arises.
4. Create an advanced health care directive
This document tells people what kind of medical care you want if you cannot speak for yourself. It may also name a health care agent to make decisions on your behalf. Ask yourself, “Would I want extraordinary measures taken? Who do I trust to make medical decisions? Does that person actually know what I would want?”
Halstad says a medical directive allows you to appoint someone to make medical decisions if you are unable to do so, and it also allows you to make your own end-of-life decisions in advance.
Puckett says that documents such as powers of attorney and health care directives are not about wealth. “They’re about who speaks for you and cares for you if you can’t speak for yourself,” he says.
“Families need to know the basics: whether you want to be buried or cremated, what should happen to the ashes, what kind of ceremony you want and who has the authority to carry out your wishes.” — James Schwartz, Myers-Durboraw Funeral Home
5. Write down the practical stuff
Someone should know where to find your bank accounts, insurance policies, retirement accounts, mortgage information, car title, safe deposit box key and the name of the person who does your taxes. Someone should also know how to access your phone, computer and important online accounts.
Puckett says this area of consideration becomes especially important in your 60s, when many people are making decisions about Social Security, Medicare and how to draw income from savings. It is also a good time to simplify scattered accounts and make sure family members know where everything is.
Beneficiaries matter, too. Puckett notes that retirement accounts and insurance beneficiaries can override what your will says, which means those designations should be reviewed and updated as life changes. “I think she had a binder somewhere” is not a plan.
6. Talk about funeral wishes
Imagine your grieving loved ones trying to guess whether you wanted burial or cremation, a church service or a celebration of life, hymns or Motown, a formal obituary or “she lived, she laughed and she owned too many cardigans.”
James Schwartz, funeral director at Myers-Durboraw Funeral Home, says families need to know the basics: whether you want to be buried or cremated, what should happen to ashes, what kind of ceremony you want and who has the authority to carry out your wishes.
Schwartz says working with a funeral home in advance can take pressure off the family later because many decisions are already made and possibly paid for. In some cases, those plans can be made irrevocable, which may help with Medicaid and Supplemental Security Income (SSI) eligibility.
You do not have to plan every detail, but sharing your preferences can spare your family from making decisions while they are emotional and exhausted. Also, if you have strong opinions about music, flowers, photos or whether people should wear all black or a sports jersey, now is the time to say so.
7. Think about where and how you want to age
Most of us would like to stay independent as long as possible. But “aging in place” takes thoughtful planning. Can your home work for you if stairs become difficult? Would you need help with transportation, meals, yard work or medical appointments? What local resources exist before you need them?
Vanessa Berger, executive director of Carroll Lutheran Village, says the best time to think about where and how you want to live later in life is well before there is an immediate need. She encourages people to start in their 60s, or even earlier, as they begin thinking about retirement.
The first conversation, she says, is with yourself. What kind of lifestyle do you want? Do you want to maintain a home, mow the lawn and shovel snow as long as you can? Would you rather have those chores off your plate? Do you want opportunities to stay active, learn, volunteer or build new friendships? Is it important to stay close to family, or has family moved elsewhere?
Her bottom line is simple: People tend to be happiest with decisions they make proactively. It is easier to explore options while you are healthy than when you are recovering from a fall or facing an unexpected diagnosis.
8. Tell your people what matters
Tell your family where your documents are. Tell them who to call. Tell them what you value. Tell them what you hope they will remember.Write down a few things that are not legal at all: family stories, favorite recipes, why you kept that old photo, what you want your grandchildren to know and what made you proud.
Halstad says you do not necessarily have to give your fiduciaries, the people you entrust to manage your assets, copies of your documents right away. Still, they should know where the documents are located in an emergency. For an original will, he recommends having it held by
your lawyer or by the office of the Register of Wills. “Don’t make them guess during an already hard time,” Puckett says.
Getting your life in order is not only about paperwork. It is about making hard moments a little easier for the people who love you. This is my list. I have not finished it. In fact, I have barely started it. But putting it in writing is one step closer to moving past “I’ll get to it someday.”
Someday has a way of sneaking up on us. And when it does, I would like my family to know where the will is, what music I want at my celebration-of-life party and, maybe, even the Netflix password.
